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pinnacle
Forum Admin
USA
45 Posts |
 Posted - 03/01/2007 : 11:35:24 PM
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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"
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pinnacle
Forum Admin
USA
45 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2007 : 11:37:16 PM
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On a tour of Australia, the Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore.
A helpless man, wearing an English cricket shirt, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Australian cricket shirts. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the blue, semiconscious Pommie fan from the water.
Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatred between Australian and English cricket fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his mates, "Who was that?" "It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know crap about shark fishing... is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another one?"
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DaGr8Purilate
Starting Member
USA
3 Posts |
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Jim Larson
Moderator
24 Posts |
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ncspeed
Starting Member
USA
27 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2007 : 7:16:56 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jim Larson
Here's a joke..............REPYH! LOL
Jim Larson
Hynitrous@aol.com
www.mpcspeed.com
Now jim be nice they use to sign your check for you and they use to have good wheels that helped you place lol
www.rollingwarriors.com
John |
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3racersandme
Starting Member
USA
4 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2007 : 8:53:42 PM
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You know I think he is being nice, and being that he has that (M)ultiple (P)ersonality (C)ondition you have to cut him a little slack. By the way nice pic with the matters on there Jim. haha Tell The Better Half we said hi.
Dean and Sherry
Dean, Sherry, Evan and Kasey
Precision and Apex Inline |
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joey
Starting Member
2 Posts |
Posted - 10/29/2007 : 11:32:45 AM
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
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Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
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Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
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Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
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Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
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Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!” |
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